INVOKED OR NOT

VOCATUS ATQUE NON VOCATUS DEUS ADERIT.

Invoked or not, God is present. What a special, special phrase to me for I have made my opinion known on what I believe is called the business of God. For God without virtue is merely a name. Thus outside of religious structures, outside of politics, control, and what could be called and know to be the God. There is a power.

If there wasn't, one would have to ask, why would so many men be in the business of it? And how could so many women, become it?

When I think upon my own personal practice, and all the things I know to be true, I come back to this again and again. Because many a people who have survived, excelled, created, saw all, known the ecstasy of truth and held amazement in their hands. Without the word God uttered, they would confirm that without [blank] being called, [blank] was there.

I could think back to surviving cancer, drunk drivers, spinal surgery and holding my own eyeball in my hand, drowning, and coming back to life.

Each time that which was uninvoked was still present.

That, HER, Blank, it. The all, awe... That which one cannot comprehend in that moment, in a singular moment, yet is present.

When I was a child and I ran around my godmother's coffee table and slipped on a coloring book and bashed my eye into the corner of a glass table. And when I ripped my face away, tore out my own eye from its eyelid, holding my own eyeball as blood pooled inside my hand. I poke to my mother calmly and said, I cannot see. In those moments of sheer pain, fear, clarity, need, all of the things one would go through when they had ripped out their own eyeball and was holding it.

That which was not called, nor, invoked, for I was a mere a babe - was still present. All I could think in that moment is dear blank, dear you, dear that which is bigger than I, help me.

I could go on into the calming nature of that which soothed the terror in me when I was too lay at the bottom of a pool as a child.

So I say this with the meditation in mind of outside of religion, outside of money and the business of that which is, that which is uncalled, unbidden, and uninvoked still exists.

And that's what I think on sometimes in these afternoons. To name it would be to do it unjustice, for then it would become that which men would find a way to profit off it. There is pain in that for what is so sacred cannot be said for it would become that commodification of itself.

And thus touching that, which is uncalled in my mind's eye is a practice.

And I do it to touch that which is something. And in these trying times that is  what I hold on to in meditations.